Why I Hate South Florida

This was a popular post on my last blog and I wrote it because everyone kept asking me why I hated living in South Florida. Here I list my reasons. Read on if you dare!

Here are a few of the reasons why I despise South Florida.

• It’s very hot and very humid.
• It’s over-populated. There are over 5 million people living here and you can’t tell where one city or county ends until you see a sign indicting where you are.
• People judge you by the amount of money you make, the car you drive, or the house you live in.
• Most people here have no common sense. Period.
• Everyone drives like shit, and half of them are uninsured. I almost get crashed into every day.
• Every single day on the news, there is a story about someone who got raped or murdered. Seriously.
• As much as people like to think that our beaches are great, they are filled with tar & trash. Especially when Paris Hilton is in town.
• If we ever run out of plastic, South Florida can be blamed for it since most people down here have fake boobs or even fake asses. Who in their right mind would want ass implants?
• Too many bitchy Cubans constantly complaining about Fidel Castro. Does anyone remember the whole Elian Gonzales fiasco? Well, I had to LIVE through it.
• People are snotty and rude, and they all think that their shit doesn’t stink.
• Whenever something major happens in the U.S., somehow South Florida has ties to it. Even the suicide bombers from 9/11 lived here.
• I hate the Miami Dolphins and they suck. I especially hate Dan Marino. The man is a jackass. Every time the Dolphins have a shitty season (which is every year), I have to hear about how they were undefeated in 1972. Hello! That was over 30 years ago! Get over yourselves!
• South Beach is extremely over-rated. And what most people don’t know is that it is surrounded by shitty neighborhoods. Oh, yeah… and their clubs suck.
• There is no music scene in South Florida unless you only listen to shit. Rock? Jazz? Fugeddaboutit!
• All the New Yorker’s who come here to retire bitch about the traffic. Excuse me?
• There are golf courses everywhere. Golf sucks.
• People are loud and obnoxious. They cut in line and then try to intimidate you or ignore you if you say something. This also falls under the category of driving. They cut in front of you, and sometimes they try to run you off the road or cut you off and then slam on the brakes while going 70 + miles on the highway. Fun times indeed.
• Most of the cops don’t even pull over the 10 cars that just ran that red light. They turn their heads and look away as if to say, “I didn’t see anything.” Lazy bastards. And of course if it was you, then you are pulled over immediately. Murphy’s Law is in effect!
• Speaking of cops, they constantly racially profile people when they actually do pull someone over for something. I have been pulled over twice and they let me go with no ticket. Why? They said I had no prior tickets. True. But if I didn’t look like a white girl with a tan, I’d have gotten the tickets and had my car searched. Had they searched one of those times, I’d have been screwed. Or not. Who knows? I’ve gotten away with far worse. But that is a story for another day.
• Everything is extremely expensive. You can’t even buy a house unless you can afford at least $300,000 and that’s not even a nice house in a crappy neighborhood. And if by chance you can afford the house, you will probably end up foreclosing because you can’t afford the outrageous property taxes.
• Even though housing and everything else is expensive, employers don’t pay people enough so most families rely on multiple jobs to keep them afloat. My family included.
• Health insurance here is so expensive that most people go without it.
• We had Jeb Bush as a governor. Guess who was our governor when George W. Bush was “elected”?
• A lot of the immigrants from Cuba refuse to learn English and they think you are the stupid gringo because you don’t speak their language. Any visit to any store in Miami will show this. Everything is in Spanish with English subtitles, and the cashiers just point at the screen because they can’t tell you the amount.
• The Wet Foot/Dry Foot policy. This means that any Cuban who touches dry land is guaranteed asylum and can live off the dole and if you are Haitian, you are sent back. It’s completely unfair.
• Plastic people. Now this one isn’t just the people who have plastic in their bodies; these are the fake people who think that they are special and the world owes them everything and you are nothing but a lower life form.
• ID theft is rampant down here.
• Everyone hates everyone else, whether it’s because of the color of your skin or your religion. They even have a love/hate relationship with themselves.
• Hurricanes. But I will take a hurricane over an earthquake any day. At least we get a warning.
• Have I mentioned we have a city named Boca Raton? It literally translates to “Mouth of the Rat”. Enough said.

Well, that’s just some of the things that irritate me about South Florida. If you are planning a trip here, save yourself the money and visit somewhere decent.