Wow. I haven’t blogged since July of 2010. That was last year, people! Where the fuck have I been?! Well, some of you know and some of you don’t. I guess I’ll have to post a little somethin’ somethin’ to make sure everyone is up to speed on what is going on in Aprilverse.
I lost my 7 1/2 year “day job” in July. It was a nowhere job that wasn’t even in my interests and I only worked it to have a steady paycheck and health insurance. I won’t go into details about how I lost my job, but let’s just say that I didn’t deserve it and I hope no one ever has to go through what I did. I immediately lost my health insurance and to this day I don’t have coverage. I keep my fingers crossed every single day that I won’t get seriously hurt. Why? Because…
I’ve had a lot of health problems and accidents over the past 8+ years, including but not limited to, a herniated disc in my lower back with a side of sciatica from a car accident (I got rear-ended… you can stop laughing now), a tumor the size of a golf ball on my thyroid that caused me to gain over 100 pounds, bouts of depression & agoraphobia, a broken ankle that forced me to learn how to walk again, double pneumonia TWICE, and numerous little ailments, some stemming from pre-existing injuries. I seriously need to be careful, eh?
One week after losing my job, someone decided to report this lil’ ol’ blog to my hosting company. What did I do wrong? I had music on my server. Copyrighted music. That I used a plugin to share that didn’t even allow people to download the tracks… only listen to them. I even provided links to download the music from iTunes or Amazon. How audacious of me! I must have been a terrible person for sharing music, right?! I mean, I can understand if it was the RIAA, but according to my hosting company, it wasn’t. It was a random fucking person, who I like to call ‘Captain RIAA’. Who takes it upon themselves to report someone when they have nothing to gain? An asshole, that’s who. I had to wipe all of the music from my server so I didn’t get my site shut down, causing all of my posts embedded with music to stop working unless they contained mashups, Creative Commons, or were embeddable mixtapes from 8tracks.com. If you were wondering why most of the music on my site wouldn’t stream, now you know. I still need to fix this. *le sigh*
My twenties sucked. Hard. I’m not complaining because whatever happened, happened. (Nod to my fellow Losties out there.) I’m merely bringing this up since I recently turned thirty and entering this new decade of my life, I feel like I have a chance to do a lot of things I should have done or have been meaning to put off, but I finally have the maturity and experience to deal with it and I feel the most confident in myself than I have ever been.
I AM ME
For once I can say that I know who I am as a person. I am okay with my faults because they are a part of me. What you see is what you get. I wear my heart on my sleeve and make no apologies for it. I like writing AND designing, and I don’t feel the need to only do one or the other. I CAN have my cake and eat it, too. It took me a long time to get to this place. My whole life, I’ve always doubted myself. I’m my own worst critic and rather than appreciating what I do, I would compare myself with the people I was surrounded by, the people I looked up to.
Ever have one of those days where everything seems to be going wrong? I’ve been going through a bit of that this week. I suffer from TMJ pain and I somehow strained a muscle by my jaw, causing the right side of my face to swell. I could barely move my jaw at all, and I was getting nerve pain sent up the side of my face to my head.
After a visit to the hospital to find out what was going on, in case my jaw locked open or shut, I was given anti-inflammatory medicine as well as painkillers with orders to rest until I could eat solid food again and talk without being in pain. I’ll be posting as soon as I’m feeling better. Until then, rock on!
Image Source: Tumblr
I really love reading all the “secrets” at Post Secret. I especially loved this one this week. I can so relate to this. Some people just don’t like hearing the truth.
Image courtesy of Post Secret.
I recently had a conversation with a friend who lives out of the country. It was just a casual conversation at first, the kind where two friends play catch up and all that. Well, in the course of this conversation, I used the word “hate”. At the time, we were discussing politics. I wasn’t using it in a negative way and I really only meant “dislike”. However, this person doesn’t believe you should ever use the word “hate” in any way because it’s negative and therefore it hurts you for using it.
(Note: this same person said that I shouldn’t bother voting because my vote won’t change anything, so obviously someone is a cynic and cynicism is negative, but that’s a debate for another day.)
While I understand his perception of the word “hate” and the negative things that come with it, it makes me wonder about the flip-side: What about the word “love”? How many times a day do we say, “OMG! I just love that!” when we don’t really love it, we are just using the word as a substitute for “really like”. Should I stop saying the words “love”, too? I know in America, we constantly dilute words to the point that they don’t have the same connotations as how the rest of the world sees it. A good idea of how the word “hate” is diluted is how this author described their view of it:
Hate. It is defined by the dictionary as disliking intensely or passionately. I was raised to use the word loosely. Cries of “I hate peas!” or “I hate doing dishes!” resounded throughout the years of my childhood.
Did I ever go out to the garden and rip up the pea vines? No. Did I ever break the dishes defiantly to avoid cleaning them? Maybe. That’s beside the point.
Certain words have us divided. I am sure anyone who is knowledgeable enough to read this blog knows what I mean when I say the “N” word. This particular word probably has more hate behind it in the U.S. than the actual word “hate”, yet so many people use it in a flippant way, such as describing their friends, but get angry when someone of another race uses it. I see this word as racist regardless of who is using it, and I am not a racist. I may claim to be an equal opportunity discriminator, but that’s all in jest and the reality is I am very against racism and you could even say that I “hate” it.
So what does the pollution of words mean to us? Hate doesn’t necessarily mean hate unless you live outside the U.S., someone takes you literally, or you say it with disgust or anger? Love doesn’t mean love unless you slip a ring on someone’s finger? Hell, for all you Christians out there, even Jesus used the word “hate” in the bible:
Now large crowds were traveling with him; and he turned and said to them, “Whoever comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and even life itself, cannot be my disciple. (St. Luke 14:25-26 NRSV)
But the author goes on to explain what this meant:
No, Jesus did not tell us to “hate” our families, but to prefer him over the demands of family.
There are so many different ways I can use these words in daily conversation and at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter except to the people who are looking for something deeper in the meaning of it all. The people who feel the need to point out that I said “hate” obviously have hatred towards that word or they wouldn’t have noticed that I have said it to begin with. The majority of people who notice the word “love” seem to be lacking some in their own life, but really, who isn’t, right? Right?!
But one thing I can still say? I hate the “N” word and I dare anyone who can fault me for that.
Stop pretending that you are someone you are not is some of the best advice I can give someone. I am so tired of all the bullshit that people say and do because they can hide behind an online identity. I’m not talking about all the trolls or people that intentionally lie to stir up flame wars, etc. I am talking about the average person who goes online and blogs. They start pretending that their life is great, that they are so intriguing, and that they are so knowledgeable when they don’t know shit. It truly is pathetic.
Since I’m calling out these assholes, I have created a list for them to become human again, instead of the carbon-copy piece of shit they are right now. This is by no means a final list; this is just a starting point.
- Stop acting like you are an authority on a subject just because you read a book about it. Reading about something and living through it or experiencing it is a huge difference.
- Stop thinking that just because you type something it makes it so. It doesn’t.
- Stop crying like a little bitch when someone calls you out on your shit. Admit when you are wrong. It’s the adult thing to do. Better yet, if you don’t know about something, don’t talk about it to begin with.
- Stop acting like your life is better than mine. They both suck.
- Stop believing your own shit. I know this is hard since you’ve been lying to yourself for so long. Try it. It won’t hurt… much.
- Stop making someone else feel bad about who they are or what they like. Everyone is different and if you don’t like me, the least you can do is respect me. Respect: Learn it, Live it, LOVE IT.
- Stop photo-shopping your own pictures to make you look better. I don’t care what you look like and if I did, I’d be as shallow as you.
- Stop believing your views are the only correct ones. Opinions are like assholes & everyone has one. Also, don’t assume. You do know what assume means don’t you?
- Stop acting like a ignorant twat and grow up. If you want someone to take you serious, don’t act like a child. It’s insulting to me and insulting to children.
- Stop pretending that while you are reading this that none of it applies to you. While it may not, 9/10 blogs I read are full of shit and are a waste of my time.
I know that you, my beloved reader, know of at least one blog owner who should read this list. If you want to, please copy and paste this list wherever you feel.
If this post applies to you, tough titty, said the kitty but the milk’s still good!
What would your answer be?